Not because I don't want to go...but because I am working for the Eugene Opera Company in the chorus. This is my second season with them...my third opera, its very exciting! Right now we are doing Le Nozze di Figaro, definatly one of my favorite Mozart pieces. It's really great, I even got the part as one of the Due Donne, or the two flower maids. It is pretty hilarious, my friend and I have the cuttest little sarcastic duet.
The only real downer to this entire thing is that I don't get to be with my family for Christmas. I guess there could be worse things, but it is just sad! I really don't even know the next time that I will be going home...or that I will see my family. I feel like this is the first of many Christmas' without my family...well the first of many missed family events! Its a very weird and lonely feeling. I think it would be different if I was married or something like that but is the type of thing that just kinda stinks... i mean my family couldn't even afford to come out here for the holidays or even see the opera!
I will say this I am so blessed to have the greatest and wonderful roomate!!!!!! I am staying with her family for this little holiday season. They are all AMAZING and have been so great in taking me in and making me feel at home!!! LOVE YOU JESS!!!!!
This is one of the oddest bittersweet feelings ever...it just adds to the whole thing with my sister moving back to our hometown this summer. It has been pretty lonely. Don't get me wrong... I have the greatest friends in the world!... But family is a big deal to me!!!and I feel like people are more lonely when we don't have at least a few people that aren't allowed to leave you alone...they are kind of stuck in your life! Some people think that big families are weird because everyone is in everybody elses bussines... well its exactly right! It's not just people intricatly in my life but deeply caring about each and every boring day and boring detail that happens to me... putting up with my irrational emotions, crazy out bursts and breakdowns. Not saying that friends are not there for such things but it just doesn't feel the same.
My dad and I talked a lot about this whole thing...he knew that this year and the holidays were going to be hard and very lonely... this of course makes him concerned about looking for confort in stupid boys! And yes I do think that this whole stiuation makes me just want to not be lonely anymore and go get myself a man! It makes me very emotionally frusterated. I know that there is no one in my life at this moment that I can even see myself dating...but still i feel like that if a guy asked me out I would just go with it because I am sick of being single and lonely...and put all reson aside and go and fall for guys that are just not right for me. Bah!!! I really don't know if any of this makes sense?!?! But HONESTLY!...I just feel unreasonably sad and lonley!!!
