A Day of Memories

Today I remember my papa, Gerald W. Wood. He served in the US Navy in the Korean Conflict, and was the most amazing man of God I have ever known. It is 2 months to the day since his death and I have not seen my family since about a week before his death. It was actually such a God thing, I just happen to go home unexpectedly for spring break...that was the last time I saw him. I kissed him on the head and said that I loved him and I would see him when I see him. I spent today at my friends house, hanging out with a bunch of girls, being as distracted as possible...then I looked at my phone..my mom had sent this pic of my family visiting Papa's grave today. I was about to jump in a river with my friends and I stood there and almost lost it!!! Only my roommate knew what was going on, and I tried to stifle back the tears that filled my eyes... and just kept going! This grieving thing is awful... I just want to go home so I have family to grieve with me and cry with me!!

The Friend Card

Many times, SO MANY TIMES, I am dealt the card no girl wants. I dread it, but it is inevitable to happen. A word that should never have a bad connotation, feels like static on my ears but rings loud in the empty space in my heart. That's right... it's the FRIEND card. Not that being friends with guys is a bad thing... NO I love guys friends. But when some situation goes from..."I'm not sure, I think he likes me... I defiantly think I like him... everything he does is really ambiguous." to "we are JUST friends" there is always a bit of disappointment. And when this situation is repeated a few times...You like/ think you like him... but he doesn't like you... that way... it's just plain depressing. I want to be friends before anything happens romantically..YES... but, it feels like every guy that you could possibly like or have any feelings for... really only thinks of you as a friend. And, like I said, being friends is not bad at all, BUT COME ON. There has to be someone that can reciprocate my feelings!! IS THERE?? This hand of cards I keep getting dealt is discouraging. Speaking of cards...I'm reminded of the childrens card game "Old Maid"...You remember that game... where you have to get rid of all the cards in your had and you don't want to get stuck with the "old maid" card. That is what I feel like!!! I am playing this game of cards and I'm winning, feeling really confident and OUCH!!... There it is... in the end I am handed the card of perpetual singleness! I know I am young! And I know that this one just didn't work out and that God has an amazing guy for me... but I'm just discouraged.

There is a sacredness in tears

I wrote this about a month ago when my Grandfather passed away...

Last night one of the most influential people of my life passed away.

Papa, I loved waking up and knowing that you were in your study, reading your Bible, I loved knowing that you would measure your Bran Flakes, milk and orange juice for breakfast, and your Chili at lunch. I loved that you always watched Jeopardy and I was proud when you always knew more then the people on the show. Whether in gardening, carving or helping you with your paper route, you taught me how to find love and beauty in diligent, hard work. I was always astonished at your consistent hunger for the Word of God. You always challenged me spiritually, in reading, memorization and you always wanted to know what I had learned. You always wanted me to learn all I could and do my best for the Lord. I went halfway across the world to Africa and I met countless people that had been blessed and touched by your teachings. Thank you so much for always loving and encouraging me in everything I do.  I miss so much already, but I know that I will see you soon. I love you Papa!