That little bit of Hell I'm trying to change...

I have taken many steps this year to try to change my life. I have failed many times and not felt any better about myself. I have covered up a lot of heart ache and cried over really stupid things.. But I have tried to change. So as this year is coming to an end... I am truly trying to put all that I have learned into action.

I Will BE.... OK

I will be ok! When crazy things happen in my life that is what I always say.. I will be ok! But rarely am I actually ok with what is happening to me!! What am I supposed to do.... sit in a corner and cry... even if I want to and probably could! No actually I don't know if I could... I find myself crying a lot less these days.... there gets to be a point in life that you are just so beat and or sick of being beaten on that you stop crying! At this moment I don't have time to cry... or even to contemplate what I could do to really help... I just have to keep going! One day at a time!!!! I have to get things done! I have to wake up and stay awake(that's harder than it sounds)! I have to clean my house! I have to do my homework! I have to go to rehearsals...and memorize all that stuff!!! Dance steps, lines, blocking... other people's dance steps, blocking....lyrics, lines! Oh and more dance steps!! I have to get to a point that a plant will stay alive in  my room again! I have to turn in a paper on time... at least once this semester! I have to remember why i'm in Colorado! I have to gracefully deal with the people in my life that I love and or think that I love! I HAVE to BE!!! I have to live! And at this point the only way I'm going to do that is to go DAY BY DAY!!!!

Allergies Leave me in a Fog!!

Here's something funny and super annoying about me... I'm allergic to everything!!!! And when I say everything... I mean everything!! My allergies are a part of my everyday life and they effect me EVERYDAY! Here is the known list...notice some are not very specific because I have never had confirmation by scratch test... I just know ITS BAD NEWS IF I GET NEAR THESE THINGS!

Milk...ah dairy you make sick and cause me to go into anaphilaxis!! ER trip!!

Corn... yes that includes ALL corn product...Corn starch and POPCORN!!!!

Soy....ha yes I was a Vegetarian at one point.... this is why I was always sick as a vegetarian!!

Mushrooms...Once again... vegetarian diet made me sick... this is a staple food!!!

Perfume....I love lovely smells but yours makes me gag, vomit and discontinue breathing!

Latex...As a theater person this makes make-up not as much fun! :(

Tree Sap... come January and February... I die!

Mold

Dust

Cats.... they are kinda gross anyway.. I'm not much of an animal person but it sucks because these are cute!

Dogs... only if they really shed

And yes there are more but these are the ones I know and deal with regularly!! NO I'm not crazy and freak out every time I come in contact with these things... I would have to be in a plastic bubble to avoid them!! But just know I SHOULD BE IN A BUBBLE!!!!

Post Valentine's Day Post

Well now that one of the worst days of the year is over I guess I can write about it...
It's not that I hate Valentine's Day... I actually love the entire concept of dedicating an entire day to Love. Yes, it is over commercialized and the candy industry makes way too much money on it... but I'm a completely hopeless romantic that loves a chance to wear red(my favorite color) and be a complete sap!!! In all reality I just don't want to be alone on the dumb day.... I don't care who you are friend, family or a romantic inclination... I just want to do something nice and enjoy whatever type of relationship we have... Hopefully someday I will have a man to share the day with.... and side note to all my friends... tell him I take it as a big deal!!!!! Flowers are always best!!! But until then... I'll grow my own flowers!