I'm moving to China… NOT REALLY… But maybe...

Seriously though…I may be moving to China! I'm interviewing with a school for a job teaching English in Beijing. It sounds kinda crazy but I like the idea of taking a year of my life and just going someplace I know very little about… I never had NEED to go to this place but I find it beautiful and intriguing. I like the possibility of something so different that every aspect of my life will be challenged. I know that one year is a long time and YES I would get very homesick!! But really, I don't have a home quite yet… I'm trying to figure out where I want home to be! So all in all… pray for me in this decision and interview… if this is what God has for me then here goes!!!

The Goodness in Death

Have you ever just sat and thought about how present death is in our lives? I'm not meaning to be supper morbid, but truly… Death is everywhere and is an essential part of life! There is even life that comes from death… I know we don't like to think about it… but I get life/nutrition/wellness from a cow/chicken/fish that is dead! Forest fires are always unfortunate but are an essential part of the ecosystem, from the fire new life and the health of the forest is renewed.

Even in the more abstract and existential way of thought… death is eternal separation… I will eternally be separated from being a child, I will never be in high school again(thank God) that part of my life is dead and over to me! I had relationships that truly died!… They will never be the same I am a different person and I will probably never even speak to them again.

 But in that… these "deaths" always brought the opportunity for newness. They brought room in my life for something different, something I did not plan and some of the greatest experiences of my life. At this time when I feel like everything is changing and my life is dying and taking new shape I think…Wait three days!! See what happens!!!!


3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead


~I Peter 1:3(NASB)


8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.


~Romans 6:8-11(NASB)

The End and the Beginning...

Ever since spring break I can now feel the impending loom of Graduation! Don't get me wrong… I am ecstatic and so very ready to be down with my undergrad! But there is that anxiety that comes over you. I have been applying for at least 3 jobs a week, beefing up my resume, getting new head shots and looking at apartments! BUT on top of that there is also that thing called school that I still have to attend and attempt to get decent grades! Even at this very moment I am avoiding homework…well it is Friday afternoon and it is my blogging time! That is besides the point… HOMEWORK is ruining my life!!!
On a slightly happier note… Hey World, I'm graduating…PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB!! now its like everything has potential. You know when you are a kid and everyone asks you what you are going to be when you grow up, well now that time is upon me and there are so many possibilities, even with my crazy degree! Every choice is a part of the adventure! Life is a choose your own adventure book!

new HOPES, new DREAMS and NO looking BACK!!

With the New Year everyone talks about their new years "resolutions"…but really I it's always hard for me to set them at in January! So I have I found that what works for me is….

January: Birthday month!! Holiday recovery and reset!! I usually do some kind of cleanse but my birthday is in the middle of the month so I am nice to my body!…I treat myself but in reasonable ways!

February: Is TRY to get serious month!!! However with Valentine's Day in the middle of that month… I end up beating myself up about why I'm not with anyone and I find motivation from depression and self loathing! NOT HEALTHY!

March and April are different for me! In the last few years I began practicing Lent! No I'm not Catholic but for me it is a great time of reexamination! I try to figure out what materialistic thing is occupying my thoughts and worries and give that to God for 40 days! I've done things like carbs, gluten, hair products, meat…to name a few! Aways something that actually had an effect on my everyday life and something I had to work at not focusing on! 

This is also the time of year that I try to pick a way to era the Bible! This time is an audio version! As fast as possible!!!! I'm on a 90 day plan but it will probably be closer to 120days! Its like bathing in a waterfall of Bible!!! It's actually a little overwhelming and puts into perspective the vastness of this work!

This Lent has been filled with crazy feelings and emotions! I am graduating from college this year and new things are opening up and old things are closing in my face. I am defiantly figuring more and more out about myself and what I really want day by day! But I also feel like I just keep finding things that need to be done or things that I have to wait for to happen till I graduate, so graduation is going to feel like this rush of overwhelming craziness! I am taken care of for the summer… but come august what then? I have plans… but it feels like I could do anything or nothing!

In the next year… I NEED TOO...
I need to move!
I need to get a car!!
I need a more permanent job!
I need to figure out where I want to live!
I need to get out of the Country!
I need to read books…because I want to!
I need to have a plants growing in my room or around me!
I need to loose all the weight!!!!!!
     Jessie, I still am holding to the promise that I will get my belly-button pierced!!!!
I need to get at least one professional theatre/opera/modeling gig!
I need to set a five yr finical plan!
I need to swim more!
I need to dance more!

Ink my body! Color my life!

In the past 3 months I have gotten my first tattoos! Its been kinda crazy process...debates about tattoos are old news but it was still a thing for me. I mainly didn't want to disappoint my parents or make people think that I was being rebellious. After everything that I went through in the last couple of years... I thought more and more about it...and here we are. I've thought about what I wanted and I have a few ideas of big pieces I want... but for what I was going through and my first tattoo I had to really think. As many of you know I am a totally literary nerd. Peter Pan is my favorite book and childhood story...J.M.Barrie is one of my favorite authors and to this day I dream of flying with Peter Pan. So I got the quote "To live will be an awfully big adventure" in J.M.Barrie's handwriting! For me this is just what it says... Life, for me is the biggest adventure, and my life has been my fantasy, my own fairytale and living my life to the fullest. I never want to grow up, I never want to be complacent, I never want to continue to reaching for the stars!

Last week I was in Hollywood with one of my bestest friends in the world, Rachel. I was finally taking a spring break...its been a crazy semester and it is my last... so getting out of town was just what I needed! I was very ready for my next tattoo...once again I just didn't know which piece I wanted and could afford. So I thought about getting something small on a whim... just to do it. So at midnight in Hollywood at midnight I signed the papers!!! I got a Bass Clef on my left shoulder! I have played the cello since I was 5 years old. It has been a great part of me, it has been though everything with me. It has been one of my greatest joys as an artist and one of my great pains, artistically and physically. There was one semester my freshman year of college that my shoulder flared up and by order of the doctor couldn't play for weeks! At the time it was a bit of a relief because of all the pressure I felt about my playing. But just having that gone from my life was crazy! I always have been afraid that God would ask me to give up music, mainly singing, but what if that was gone from my life? I never knew what I would do if that happen. When I stepped away from being a music major... then when I wasn't able to ever go back... and now I'm graduating... with not-a-music-major! It's been a struggle! For me this tattoo is not just about me being a cellist or being a musician, but about that gift being a privilege that God gave me! Music is part of me and its all for the glory of God!